What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
"Adulting makes me wine."
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
Potato puns are a-peeling.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
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