A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
I yam what I yam.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
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