Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
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