What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
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