Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
This foundation is rock salad.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
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