What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
just witnessed a chicken try to pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,
ImPeck-able.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
You don't know jack-o-lantern
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
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