I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
I love you a tot!
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? Because he heard the cakes were rich.
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I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
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