What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
"Time to wine down."
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
What’s an apple’s favorite movie? Mr and Mr Smith.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
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