Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
"Here for the right riesling."
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
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