What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
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