Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic? Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
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