My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
"Will you accept this rosé?"
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
I love you a tot!
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