When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
I always tend to forget the french word for strawberry sometimes. But, then I eventually remember the fraise.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
Why did the banana fail his driving test? He kept peeling out.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
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