How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
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What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado?
“Well, this is guacward.”
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
I love you from my head tomato
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
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