If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
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