How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
"Partners in wine."
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
Are avocados good for your heart?
Yes, they make for great avo-cardio.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
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