What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
We’re a perfect mash.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
You knead me in your loaf. This one kind of works, but loaf is just a little too different from life.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
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