What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
How does bread woo a lover?
With lots of flours.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
You and I make a deluxe combo.
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