Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
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