I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
"Sip, sip hooray."
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
Go to BabaMail
