What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
"You are so bottlefull to me."
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
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