What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
You and I make a deluxe combo.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
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