"Great minds drink alike."
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
just witnessed a chicken try to pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,
ImPeck-able.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
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