As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, “I’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”
I said, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you sh*t faced.”
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
Join us for a slice of fun.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
"You had me at merlot."
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
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