Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
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