Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
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