Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
Why does the yogi meditate under the citrus tree?
Because it’s a sub-lime spot.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
You’re wine in a million.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
"Time to wine down."
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
There's no need to cherry your feelings, I know you love me really.
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
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