How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
How does a cheese tell you they want to be with you?
“I think you and I would look gouda together.”
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
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