What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
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