I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
Why did the banana fail his driving test? He kept peeling out.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
Who is the superhero who loves to have soup all the time? Souper-man.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
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