My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
Who is the superhero who loves to have soup all the time? Souper-man.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
"Sip, sip hooray."
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.