Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
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