My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
A scarecrow's favorite fruit to eat is straw-berry.
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
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