The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Did you know there’s an app for corn growers?
It’s made in Sili-corn Valley!
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
I love you a tot!
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
I think therefore I yam.
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