My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Join us for a slice of fun.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
"Will you accept this rosé?"
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
Go to BabaMail
