If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
You’re wine in a million.
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
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