My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
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