What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
I yam what I yam.
"Sip, sip hooray."
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
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