Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
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