What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
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