What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
"Sip happens."
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
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