What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Patient: "Nurse im suffering from bacon disease!" Nurse: "Baloney"
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
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