What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
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