Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
"Here for the right riesling."
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
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