Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Patient: "Nurse im suffering from bacon disease!" Nurse: "Baloney"
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
I was gonna make a joke about Mediterranean food...
But hummus have missed the mark, and now I falafel.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic? Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Keep calm and carrot on.
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
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