If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
"No wine left behind."
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
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