I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
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