Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
What’s an apple’s favorite movie? Mr and Mr Smith.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
This foundation is rock salad.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
Join us for a slice of fun.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
"Rosé all day."
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
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