Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
You’re wine in a million.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
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