Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
"Here for the right riesling."
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
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