I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
We’re a perfect mash.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
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