What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
"You had me at merlot."
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
This foundation is rock salad.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
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