A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Patient: "Nurse im suffering from bacon disease!" Nurse: "Baloney"
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
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