Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
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