We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
Who is the superhero who loves to have soup all the time? Souper-man.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
One should always practice what they peach.
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