What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
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