When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
Everybody romaine calm.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
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