What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
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