Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
Donut even think about taking another donut!
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
What is ice cream’s favorite TV show?
Game of Cones.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
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