One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
"Partners in wine."
You knead me in your loaf. This one kind of works, but loaf is just a little too different from life.
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
---
What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
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