So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
"Say you'll be wine."
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
"Alcohol you later."
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
I like you a latke!
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
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