Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
"I make pour decisions."
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
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