What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
Why did the corn stalks hold a ceremony in honor of the scarecrow?
To corn-gratulate him for being out standing in their field!
Why would an oreo cookie need to visit a dentist? To get a filling replacement.
What do you call two cookies from the same cookie sheet who fall in love? A batch made in heaven.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
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