What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
You knead me in your loaf.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
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