Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
There's no need to cherry your feelings, I know you love me really.
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
We’re a perfect mash.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
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