What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
How does bread woo a lover?
With lots of flours.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
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