I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
Why does the Pope love Swiss cheese so much?
It’s hole-y.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
This foundation is rock salad.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
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