Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
I need to take this picture for my instayam
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
"Say you'll be wine."
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
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