I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
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