Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
Strawberries have berry good eyesight because they are packed with a lot of Vitamin See.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
"Time to wine down."
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
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