I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
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