I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What’s an apple’s favorite movie? Mr and Mr Smith.
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
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