At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
I need to take this picture for my instayam
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
I hope for world peas.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
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