What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
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