Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
When would an apple be not an apple? When it is a pineapple!
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic? Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
"You had me at merlot."
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
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