Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
I think therefore I yam.
just witnessed a chicken try to pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,
ImPeck-able.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
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