What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
"Sip happens."
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
Everybody romaine calm.
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
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