What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
"Sip happens."
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
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