He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
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