My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
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