What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
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