What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
"No wine left behind."
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
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