How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
I always tend to forget the french word for strawberry sometimes. But, then I eventually remember the fraise.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
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