Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
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