What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
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