How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
"Sip, sip hooray."
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
Go to BabaMail
