Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
Why does a little cherry always look up to its parents? It tries to follow in their fruitsteps.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
"Adulting makes me wine."
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
When you push a strawberry down a hill, you make a strawberry turnover.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
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