One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
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