What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
Did you hear about the farm dog who liked to strip ears of corn?
He was part husky!
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What is ice cream’s favorite TV show?
Game of Cones.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
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