Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
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