I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
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