How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
I yam what I yam.
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, “I’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”
I said, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you sh*t faced.”
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
Go to BabaMail
