What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
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