Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
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