My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
What does it do before it rains candy? It sprinkles! What do you call dancing chocolate bar? Nestle Crunk bar.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
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