Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
"Back that glass up."
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
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