Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
"Back that glass up."
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
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