I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
"I mead more wine."
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
Go to BabaMail
