A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
We’re a perfect mash.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
"Sip, sip hooray."
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
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