If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
"On cloud wine."
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
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