The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Why would an oreo cookie need to visit a dentist? To get a filling replacement.
What do you call two cookies from the same cookie sheet who fall in love? A batch made in heaven.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
Go to BabaMail
