How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
"Alcohol you later."
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
When would an apple be not an apple? When it is a pineapple!
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
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