What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
I think therefore I yam.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
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