Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
"Partners in wine."
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
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