A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
Time to celery-brate.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
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