I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
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