“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
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