Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
I yam what I yam.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
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