My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
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