What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
I yam what I yam.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
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