The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
"Read between the wines."
My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
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