What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
"Here for the right riesling."
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
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