They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
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