What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
You and I make a deluxe combo.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
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