Potato puns are a-peeling.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
"Time to wine down."
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
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