How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
I love you a tot!
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
You knead me in your loaf.
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
"Here for the right riesling."
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
You've really struck a gourd with me...
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
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