What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
"I mead more wine."
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
Strawberries have berry good eyesight because they are packed with a lot of Vitamin See.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
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