A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
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