I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
just witnessed a chicken try to pick up a piece of corn for 5 minutes,
ImPeck-able.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
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