What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
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