How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? Because he heard the cakes were rich.
"Great minds drink alike."
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
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