Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
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