Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
What a spud muffin.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
You've really struck a gourd with me...
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
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