I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
How does a cheese tell you they want to be with you?
“I think you and I would look gouda together.”
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
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