Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
"Alcohol you later."
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
Patient: "Nurse im suffering from bacon disease!" Nurse: "Baloney"
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
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