Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
Everybody romaine calm.
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
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