What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
I yam what I yam.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
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