When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
"Here for the right riesling."
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
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