What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
Keep calm and carrot on.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
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