Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
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