What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
I like you a latke!
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
"Adulting makes me wine."
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
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