Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
Because they don’t wear pants.
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
Where do monkeys go to drink?
To the monkey bars.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
Where do the monkeys get their gossip?
They hear it on the ape vine.
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
What do you call monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
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